i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
