the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
