Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
