Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
