I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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