You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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