I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
