We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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