Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
