I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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