just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
