Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
