Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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