I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
