I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You ruined the universe
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
