All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
