I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
