I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You may now shotgun with the bride
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
