sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
