I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
