fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
