im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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