So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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