Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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