the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We have started to decorate penises.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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