the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
