Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
tell me about the fingering
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