idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
