and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
