Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
