I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
