Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
