is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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