so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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