Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
