I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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