I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
