i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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