..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
