IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
