don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
