Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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