32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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