Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
