He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
