I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
