I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
