can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
