Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
