So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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