I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
