I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
lol hangovers are for mortals.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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