On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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